Are you authentic? Or controlling?
There may be many reasons someone might want to control other’s perceptions of them. For now, let’s say that this is a coping mechanism. In truth, managing how you present yourself is a natural part of social interactions. The potential dark side to this natural way of relating is that we can fall into patterns of trying to overly control how we are perceived, resulting in stress, anxiety, and disconnection from our authentic selves.
I often get asked, “What’s the difference?”
The difference between being authentic and controlling others' perceptions of you lies in the intention, behavior, and emotional impact associated with each approach. Here are some key distinctions:
Intention:
Authenticity: Being authentic involves presenting your true self, including your thoughts, feelings, values, and beliefs, without pretense. The intention is to be genuine and honest, fostering real connections.
Controlling Perceptions: This approach often stems from a desire to shape how others view you for personal gain, acceptance, or protection. The intention may be to manipulate opinions or avoid negative judgment rather than to connect on an honest level.
Self-Expression:
Authenticity: Authentic individuals express themselves freely, embracing their uniqueness and vulnerabilities. They are comfortable sharing their true thoughts and feelings, even if it means risking disapproval.
Controlling Perceptions: Those who control perceptions often modify their self-expression based on what they believe will be most favorable to others. This can lead to a façade, a masking, or a hiding, that may not reflect their true self.
Emotional Impact:
Authenticity: Being authentic can lead to greater self-acceptance, deeper relationships, and a sense of fulfillment. It creates a safe space for vulnerability and fosters trust with others. Often, authenticity over time creates connection and liberation.
Controlling Perceptions: This behavior can lead to anxiety, stress, and a sense of isolation. Constantly managing how others see you can create pressure and may prevent genuine connections, as relationships may be based on a constructed image rather than reality.
Vulnerability:
Authenticity: Embracing authenticity often involves being vulnerable, and acknowledging flaws, mistakes, and uncertainties. It allows for growth and learning through genuine interactions.
Controlling Perceptions: In contrast, controlling perceptions typically involves avoiding vulnerability. Individuals may hide their true selves or experiences to maintain a certain image, which can hinder personal growth.
Relationships:
Authenticity: Authenticity fosters meaningful relationships based on trust, understanding, and mutual respect. People are more likely to connect with you when they see the real you.
Controlling Perceptions: Relationships built on controlled perceptions may lack depth, as they are often based on an idealized version of oneself rather than true connection. This can lead to superficial interactions and a lack of genuine intimacy.
In short, it could be noted that authenticity is about being true to oneself and fostering genuine connections while controlling others' perceptions often involves manipulation and a focus on image management.
Ultimately, while controlling other’s perceptions of us in the short term might seem to achieve some sense of belonging, in the long term this actually hinders our relationships.
Our need for connection as humans is vital to life and essential to health. How we go about creating that for ourselves is another matter entirely. If you or someone you know wants to discuss your specific situation in more detail, reach out here.